Journals73
Newest
Ugh...
1 min read
Head is fuzzy, feeling faint.
Wish I was somewhere I ain't.
Heaven's edge a murky mire,
to which my heart's perspire.
Not yet a mountain, not yet a bird.
I go from here,
unloved,
unheard.
Wish I was somewhere I ain't.
Heaven's edge a murky mire,
to which my heart's perspire.
Not yet a mountain, not yet a bird.
I go from here,
unloved,
unheard.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
OH...my ....glob. I am freaking out. I'm getting closer and closer to getting out of this damn place. I never wanted to be stuck in Iowa this long, it was just going to be a short recoup then on my way, ..but FINALLY going to get on that bus and head out for a bit. I wish it was more permanent but ...I'll be moving what I can on this trip. uglkasjdf hgh HURRY UP ALREADY!! GAH. Ever since the Philadelphia failure........ugh. I'm not even going to go into that. I don't think I even have any friends left from that former life I tried to erase everything connecting me... still miss some peeps...but well...that's life I guess.
anywho
So today at work was interesting. I was still pretty upset at one of my girly friends....I mean I really have no right to be upset ...but after this happens over and over and over and over and over and over.....you just can't really help it. 
So I was trying to not pay much attention to her..but she pushed me a bit far and I totally soaked her with the dishwasher sprayer. ; Good thing she's a good sport...though she tried to get me back but I caught it out of the corner of my eye and reflexively hosed her again. ;;; whoops. Don't sneak up on me...I didn't come from the best of neighborhoods!!
So I was trying to not pay much attention to her..but she pushed me a bit far and I totally soaked her with the dishwasher sprayer. ; Good thing she's a good sport...though she tried to get me back but I caught it out of the corner of my eye and reflexively hosed her again. ;;; whoops. Don't sneak up on me...I didn't come from the best of neighborhoods!! I can't wait to pick up a bunch of stuff for the crew though from home. :3 One of my favorite things to do is share all the awesomeness of my home state. (just dont stay too long you out-of-staters!)
o.o ....
.....
....
.
........................ actually...
I really don't want to go anywhere... I just feel like hiding right now. There's someone i wish I could take with me...and maybe I'd venture out so long as they're there but...>.> meh... screw teh world. I wish home had more jobs..and better ones at that. :/ Don't know what to do anymore....
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
How does this happen?
3 min read
Tightness in the chest. Happiness....longing, confusion, disappointment, relief...just a lovely bunch of coconuts standing in a row in my heart.
Sometimes I really wonder about myself. Where have I come from, where am I going.
I feel mortality everywhere. I see people turning into skulls. Friends, family.
I am already there, yet not. My name has been called out tonight again and again with passion...and I have also been scratched from the records of existence since the beginning.
Illuminati is everywhere.
Taboo....forbidden...kinky...creepy. It's all unraveling, like a ball of yarn tossed out side a plane, reason tossed with it.
Just yesterday I was standing on a newly discovered moon between Uranus and Neptune that had escaped it's parent orbit. I had watched the sun rise and set every 15 mins. feeling the harsh empty cold, and the one way heat of a distant star. I had felt the distance...the isolation. I felt like an impossibly stretched rubberband...one end connecting me to earth..and the other...this place....so far, it felt like if I blinked...I would lose my bearings and that link would snap forever, no idea which way lead home....but now this place was my home. The dry and deep sand of this moon....some of the sand covered in snow, some covered in fragile and delicate alien life....an algae? Slowly but surely my terraforming bore fruit. I saw grass peeking through some of the snow....slowly covering the sand. It was so dry... water was either frozen solid or in small snowy clumps. Tree's were always covered in frost...the days were 30mins long, an hour max. The land was always leaking atmosphere, no gravity to hold it in, but the algea leaked so much of it you could see streams leading into space. the ground itself letting off a breathable steam, soon gone forever.
I may have had a future there. Now that future is gone. Along with the moon...and it's name.
Or is it? How can a yes be a no...which is actually a yes? Should I wait or should I go? Should I fight or should I flee? This is so impossible. How does this happen?
Sometimes I really wonder about myself. Where have I come from, where am I going.
I feel mortality everywhere. I see people turning into skulls. Friends, family.
I am already there, yet not. My name has been called out tonight again and again with passion...and I have also been scratched from the records of existence since the beginning.
Illuminati is everywhere.
Taboo....forbidden...kinky...creepy. It's all unraveling, like a ball of yarn tossed out side a plane, reason tossed with it.
Just yesterday I was standing on a newly discovered moon between Uranus and Neptune that had escaped it's parent orbit. I had watched the sun rise and set every 15 mins. feeling the harsh empty cold, and the one way heat of a distant star. I had felt the distance...the isolation. I felt like an impossibly stretched rubberband...one end connecting me to earth..and the other...this place....so far, it felt like if I blinked...I would lose my bearings and that link would snap forever, no idea which way lead home....but now this place was my home. The dry and deep sand of this moon....some of the sand covered in snow, some covered in fragile and delicate alien life....an algae? Slowly but surely my terraforming bore fruit. I saw grass peeking through some of the snow....slowly covering the sand. It was so dry... water was either frozen solid or in small snowy clumps. Tree's were always covered in frost...the days were 30mins long, an hour max. The land was always leaking atmosphere, no gravity to hold it in, but the algea leaked so much of it you could see streams leading into space. the ground itself letting off a breathable steam, soon gone forever.
I may have had a future there. Now that future is gone. Along with the moon...and it's name.
Or is it? How can a yes be a no...which is actually a yes? Should I wait or should I go? Should I fight or should I flee? This is so impossible. How does this happen?
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Sweet Arrival Bitter Realization
1 min read
I have you
Sweet Blood
I know you
Bitter Love
Apostasy and perversion
lie dead awake
Desire and excursion
die by mistake
I truly miss you
Oh darling I've not met
I truly love you
My beloved ghost girl pet
Your Chrysalis cage
My Heart's wage
What has come before, within, now existential
Shall Never Age
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Well I did it. i completely brought myself to my lowest point and back out again. Not without leaving scars though.
I sure can't wait to get on my own again and be able to think clearly. Feeling constantly strained is just strangling my creativity..among other things.
I just saw a picture of my parents and my brother and realized...not only do I barely know them anymore...but I really don't even care who these people are. That was quite a shock, but it's been slowly taking over...there's not too much I do care about, people or otherwise, specters of the past be damned.
I really need to get that focused feeling back. Thankfully, I have someone around that I really want to share some ideas with...but since I'm so jaded, I doubt it would even matter.
ANYWHO, there's been a lovely chill in the air and I can't wait for my new pair of earbags to come in the mail. There are few things I enjoy more than chilly air and cozy warmth.
As a matter of fact...here's a poem.
Cold Air
Warm Feet
Isabelle
Is Sweet
Earbags Rule.
Ooh Ooh Ooh! I HAVE been being creative in a way. I've been making lots of music. Make this killer song...can't figure out what to do with it though...it needs something.
...*sigh* As much as I love being alone....I really need someone to bounce ideas off of. >.<; Makes this He-Man Woman Hater's duty oh so complicated.
I wonder what my cutie mark would be if I was a pony. Probably would be an interrobang .....shrouded by a glitter cloud.
....ugh..I had something I was going to actually say..and now it's lost.
-__- Just like always. Why do I even bother? My brain is playing hangman in a closet...and this is getting very old. Maybe I'm getting very old. ...or maybe ..just maybe it's 5:31am and I really should have gone to bed before I have to leave for work at 10... *facepalm* GAH
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In